trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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