Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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