Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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