True but thats because hes a fetus.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
