You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize