No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize