first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
