I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
