Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
