dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
