mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
