So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
