PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
