you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
