so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize