Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
