i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He better not be in your backpack
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
