If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
