mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
