Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
