I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
