Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
