so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
