think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
