she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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