I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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