More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
