just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
