Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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