see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
