His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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