No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
