my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize