No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish there were birth control emojis
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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