I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
