I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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