I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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