So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
