So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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