My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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