Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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