if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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