Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
