she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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