i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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