my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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