Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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