Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
