stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
soo... how was my night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
