the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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