Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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