Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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