I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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