Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
