Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
