there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize