Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
