A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
