he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
