I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
