ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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