btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
