yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
