Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
