I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
