Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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