I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
