Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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