My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize