areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
