Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
