He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
