I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
