great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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