Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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