Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
