A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
