sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
