you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
