He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
