Don't you send me to vm
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
