I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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