i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
