Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
