Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
