Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
