Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
