Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize