Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
