Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
