the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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