he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
