remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
