Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize