Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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