ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
