drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
why do cheetos always look like penises
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
