i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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