On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
