Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
