did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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