Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
