I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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